Are You Ready to Go?

Sin has an insidious way of destroying your life. Cliche, no? It is amazing, though, how you can know something in your head, but until you feel it in your heart, until you experience the pain of failure and the misery of betraying your closest friend, you never truly understand sin. Sin betrays you. It uses you, chews your character up, rips into your soul, and leaves you a black, tangled up mess. And it can all start so innocuously.

"...Because you are special. You are a beautiful young women who has captivated me with your actions and words. God has given you a passion and a purity that has just intrigued me. With all my heart I am grateful for God having put you in my life. You are amazing. And I just cannot believe that you would like a poor little guy like me.

I started this email just to mail you my business cards, and to tell you that I hope your having a good day. I still hope your having a good day...and I hope I've made it a little better. Stay strong in the Lord. Keep on the right path. I'm not perfect, and neither are you. But through God's strength, we can make it through."

I emailed this to a girl at the start of a relationship a long, long time ago. I just found it today. I ended the email with a bible verse, and it was all nice and holy, and the scary thing is, I know that I meant it. How can you start a relationship with such convictions, and have it end the way it did?

It has now been three and a half years since I wrote that email. That relationship is long over, yet it has had a long lasting impact on my life. From that auspicious, holy beginning, our relationship devolved into a sinful, selfish mess, in which I seriously began to lose my identity in Christ. Why? I slowly faded into a sinful morass that I never properly combated from the start.

In the end, I lost it all.

Respect.
Honor.
Dignity.
Friendship.
Purity.
Love.


Gone. All of it, vanished in the air like a wisp of smoke.


Gone.


But, not quite. While I sat there on my pile of sinful manure, I realized that I was not alone...that there was someone crying over the stench of my sins.

All along, Jesus had been hanging out with me.

Honestly, I try to block out those years of my life. When I remember the hypocrisy, the lies, the lust, the failure...I never want to remember it.

But now, when I take an honest look back, I realize something that pains me more than anything else.

What was it like for God? To watch his adopted son roll around in the mud? How would the father have felt if he could have watched his son eat the food of the pigs?

Oh, the pain and sorrow He must have felt! How was that, to watch me foolishly choose my own prideful desires over the beautiful gifts he offered me? How a father must feel as he watches his son ruin his life, and know that he cannot step in to help until the son realizes his desperate state!

I was not alone. Not everything was gone.

No matter who left me in that time, no matter who I pushed away with my sinful actions, I have a God who sat with me on a rank pile of sinful crap, and took my hand, and said the most beautiful words I have ever heard in my life...

"Bradley...Are you ready to go now?"

  

 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

"A Day in the Life"

     In my mind, The Beatles are the greatest band to walk the face of the planet, and their best song is, hands down, "A Day in the Life". "A Day in the Life" is a beautiful dramatization of an average day for an average person in the 20th century. Lennon takes his lyrics from newspaper clippings, singing of car accidents, potholes, war, and other such things. The melody takes on a sublime feeling as Lennon discusses the dross of daily life. After an uproarious commotion about two minutes in, we find McCartney singing at a brisk clip about waking up, falling out of bed, and running off to work. Compared to Lennon's slow drawl, McCartney feels refreshing, if not a little too busy. The switchover is quite obvious, and was actually intended that way; this is actually two songs, written separately by Lennon and McCartney, put together in a beautiful transition from hypnotic, to hectic, and back.
     Besides the lyrical and musical genius, I think that "A Day in the Life" brilliantly portrays the common struggle of man, in which he feels powerless to change the world around him. I myself can appreciate the dream-like quality life can take on when one reads the news and views the world around us. Often times it becomes just as surreal as Lennon's vocals, echoing into the air around us, yet never truly making an impact. Yet, in the midst of this tumultuous din of white noise, we also feel exactly like McCartney, rushing to work after slurping down a cup of joe. Life often leaves us panting for breath as we dash to and fro, accomplishing the mundane tasks set before us. This song represents the dichotomy of the chaos in the world that we are seemingly unable to affect due to the hectic schedules we keep. How can one keep his or her head above water long enough to change the fact that the world is drowning itself in violence, greed, jealousy and pride?
     In "The Way of the Heart", Henri Nouwen tells the same story, a tale of our world drowning within itself. We are searching for solid footing, something to get us out of the water, and we find that footing on the island called Golgotha, where our Savior died so long ago. Our hearts must remain content enough to remain in that place, and not to jump right back into the morass of society, no matter what our intentions are for doing so. Once we are satisfied to find our fulfillment in Christ alone, we can go into the world as those who walk on water, keeping our eyes solely on Christ as he guides our hands to do his work. Just as "A Day in the Life" comes to a powerful finish, so our lives can culminate in a resoundingly beautiful climax, but only when we answer the call that Christ puts forth in our lives.

"Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men." -Matthew 4:19-

Looking Back (But Only For a Moment)

Sometimes, you just have to wonder...was it worth it all?

You come to this point in your life where everything is changing, and it all feels so good, and right, and you are at peace about it...and yet...

What about what you left behind? It isn't easy, walking forward without the things that used to define you. I miss those things. Some of them, I don't. Some things that held me back in the past were terrible, destructive patterns that deserve to be annihilated. Yet that is the difficulty in life sometimes.

Moving forward means leaving good things behind.

Quite honestly, I don't always like that...but I am willing.

See, not all things that hold us back are bad, evil, or destructive. Sometimes, there are some absolutely phenomenal parts of our lives that, in reality, were holding us back all along.

When you see those things disappear, and you take time to look back on it, you have to wonder...

...was it worth it?

"As they were going along the road, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” And Jesus said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” Yet another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

Yes.

It is worth it. 100%, never-look-back, worth it. Why? Because Christ has called us to it. He has called me to it. I don't know what kind of adventure I have in store ahead of me, but I know it will be a grand adventure, something that will deserve to be in a book.

What about those good things, the ones that I had to leave behind? Those things that, in themselves, were not a bad thing, but the timing may not have been right?

I don't know. For now, I'm just living. But, I believe in redemption.

What about you? Are you going to give it all up, the good and the bad, to follow Christ? For that is what He demands. The cost of being Christ's disciple is great, but the reward is even greater.

Will you give up the good and the bad?

Through the Winter

I've trudged through the winter

Fought the bleary storms

Drudging through the drifts

Been crippled at every turn

I've spotted the spring

Fighting to bring forth life

Death's blight turns to sunlit skies

Blessings overwhelm at every sight

I've seen the winter, now let me run

Fleeing from the cold, taking off this burdensome coat

Delighting in truth, life, and no more lies

Being content, with Him at last

Giving Up

I am broken. Yet, in this brokenness, I am fulfilled.

The Christian life does not make too much sense. When you are weak, then you are strong. The first shall be last, and the last shall be first. Whoever gains his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my (Jesus') sake will find it.

This is something I have been taught throughout my few years on this earth. Not everything in life is as you want it. Sometimes we have to give up what we desire most in order to truly follow God. Now, this might not seem like a terribly difficult thing to do, but sometimes, it hurts. Sometimes, it rips something out of your control so fast you would think a hurricane just whipped through.

Yet.

Yet is it worth it?

 Yes.





I cannot always tell you that I am happy about it, or satisfied, or in control of my emotions. I am angry, sad, hurt, frustrated, confused and tired. I am tired of following God. Sometimes I just want to have things because I want them.

Then, I look back on my past few years. I see the struggles, the desires. I see in myself the ability to utterly ignore God's desires for my life, and the frustration that came of it. I am tired of living that life, and cannot continue to ignore God's calling in my life. No matter the cost. Even though it may cost me the thing that lies closest to my heart.

What have you given up for the Lord? The life of discipleship is not an easy one. The Lord is continually calling us to go deeper, beckoning us into the depths of his heart. Will you answer his call? It is not easy! Do not answer that question lightly. This is a serious life of commitment and devotion. Will you be like Augustine, who said famously "Lord, give me continence and chastity, but not yet?" Do not turn to the Lord unless you are ready for serious life change.

Yet, I tell you confidently that it is worth it.

The life that we live is not easy. Nor will it ever be. However, I can promise you something; God wants you! God wants you. No matter what. Come, lay your burdens upon Christ, you who are tired and lonely, and he will give you rest! I do not care what troubles and tragedies that you bring along, and nor does God. He offers an eternal relationship, a rest for your spirit, a cup of cool water for your soul.

"Whoever comes to me I will never cast out. For I have come down from heaven, not to do my will but the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day."

Holding God's Hand

We have to be very careful when we walk along the path of life...because if we get too caught up with our past, and we look back to much, we will fall off the path...if we look too far ahead into our future, we will miss the path beneath us, and not know if we have wondered off it or not...but, if we just look down at our feet, and hold onto God's hand as He walks next to us, then we'll end up exactly where we need to be. And every once in a while, we can look back and marvel at what God has brought us through in our lives, or we can look ahead and maybe see where He is taking us...but we need to look right back down at the ground and hold onto His hand so that we don't lose our way.

The Overflow of our Hearts

What are choices? What do they do? How do they affect us? Why do they affect us so much?

What does it matter, anyways? Does it really matter if I choose to drink alcohol before I'm 21? What about going over the speed limit? Everyone does it. I do. What about who we are going to date? Marry? Do these choices matter? To eat that extra donut, or to have self-control. Should go the extra mile in my class to try for an A, or do I settle for a B (and enjoy those video games I love?). Do I go hang out with some people at Applebee's or at the local bar? Do I read the Bible today, or this amazingly awesome Star War's novel I just started? (yes, I do LOVE Star War's novels...) What kind of music do I listen to? What movies do I see?

What should I do with my life?

Choices affect every aspect of our life. Yet why do most people treat them as if they don't matter? The choices we make affect our very being. Everyone knows that the choices they've made and experiences they've had have formed who they are, and yet they don't take that principle and apply it to the present: The choices we make today shape who we will be five days, five years, and five decades from now. When people say that something is "just who I am, I can't change that about myself," it is not true. The choices they made in the past decided who they are. And just as choices created who you are today, you can change who you are. Make choices differently. Pay attention to the little things in life. Its all those little choices that you make that create your character.

Character is the choices we make when we are by ourselves, with no one watching. The overflow of our heart is decided by what we love, and we show what we love when we choose one thing over another. The way our choices could change us by getting rid of some rotten part of our heart, and how it could restore it, is something that is quite beautiful.

Choose rightly. Choose to do the right thing even when there is no outward consequence for doing the wrong thing. Show love to people. Give them grace.

Love God. Love others. With all your heart, mind and soul.

Love.